(home)(poems)

money

If I had it right now I would change everything I could think to change.
Pierce ears and nostrils build an armor of symbols I could never take off dye
my hair or cut it off I don’t care I’ve been me for centuries and I can’t change
that but I can change everything else paint my nails black and shallow learn to really
play piano start talking louder like I don’t give a fuck who hears love more softly
and truly there’s always been something
dishonest about passion
like who are you
really trying
to convince?

But I don’t have money so I won’t do any of that even the parts that are free.
Instead I’ll kiss a boy with a sharp jawline drink rum and cokes that just taste
like rum ruin my white shoes smoking with girls I don’t know by a lake I’ve never seen run
and run and run til I’m running down my own face unable to keep those smiles and eyes in my head
they’ll slide and tumble into the road and I’ll be faceless but at least
I’ll exist and at least I won’t love anyone
as much as I love everyone
I don’t make eye
contact with on
the bus.